Day 71

There are no appointments scheduled for today, so I have the day off to work on my knitting. What started out as a luxurious shawl has now become a cat cozy, or so I hope. I'm still learning and the curve is steeper than I thought it would be. I have a new appreciation of people who can actually knit socks. I plan on taking on a scarf as my next project. We'll see how it turns out.

My counts are still dropping. I know this because I haven't had any bone pain recently. I had attributed this to the new neuropathy drug, but the PA we talked to told me that the probable reason is that my marrow hasn't started to generate any white blood cells yet. Needless to say, I was a bit disappointed. I was looking forward to leaving the bone pain behind as a side effect. I'm still receiving neupogen shots twice a day, so my counts should start climbing sometime next week.

The PA increased the dosage of some of my drugs, so I'm having to take 3 anti-virals a day and 6 magnesium pills a day. I still can't maintain a normal level of magnesium on my own. It's very frustrating, and I'm just sick of pills. I've developed sores in my mouth as a result of the last round of chemo. This is the reason for the increased anti-virals. I've been told that when the problem resolves itself, I can go back to the regular dosage.

I'm happy to report that my eyes are starting to return to normal. They're still sore and the ophthamologit's nurse said I'm showing signs of astigmatism. I managed to fail the reading test miserably. I had been rather impressed with myself until I asked how I had done. I'm 20/20 in the left eye at distances and the right eye is some horribly ridiculous number, ie. I don't see very well out of it. Up close, I can't really read regular print. The nurse told me that this would probably clear up once all of my treatments were done. It seems that steroids alter the shape of the lens in the eye and this has contributed to my sight problems. I've also been informed that I'll probably have problems with cataracts once everything is said and done. The side effects of chemotherapy are legion and I sincerely wish that doctor's would stop telling me that I'll have this or that new problem to deal with down the road. I know that they're just trying to keep me informed.

We still haven't heard about my transplant. I'm concerned that the cords that have been genetically closely matched to me will be sold off for another patient. It's frustrating to know that a third party will be deciding whether or not I'll be able to get the procedure that prolongs my survival. This is a person who's never met me or even spoken to me via phone. It's hard to imagine that this happens everyday to people all over the country. I know that we aren't alone in our fight, but sometimes it feels like it. If you've ever had to dispute something with your insurance company, you know what I'm talking about. You're just a number with a dollar sign in front of it. We're supposed to get a call from our new case manager, but with every hour that ticks by, I sincerely doubt that we'll hear something. It's been two weeks and I'm starting to get very anxious.

I know that there are a lot of wonderful people praying and pulling for me. Regardless of what happens, I plan on being home before the end of the year. Houston is nice and we've been treated very well here, but it's not home. I miss everyone and I'm ready to resume my life. I'll post if we hear from the insurance company today.