Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Day +139

It's me and I'm going to be perfectly up front. I feel rotten 24 hours a day. It's not like before with the leukemia. It's a new and insidious feeling that I could live without. One solid month of fevers, vomiting and diarrhea. I can't eat, or rather, one bite sends me into a hunched position with a stomach cramp and extreme diarrhea. Don't you wish you were me. I vomit at the strangest times and usually with no provocation. I heard someone make a weird noise with their nose on television and that set me off. I've dropped from a size 12 to a near 6 in a month. Worst diet ever.

The attending team had a few things to tell us today and none of it was what you'd consider "positive". I potentially have something called PTLD. It's not "cancer" per se. The doctor calls it a "complication". They both start with the letter "c" and involve me being trapped in the hospital. Perhaps I'm placing too fine a point on it, or some such.

To put it all in Ann-speak:

There is a lump on the left side of my neck roughly the size of a golf ball. It hurts because people keep poking it and sticking needles into it. When you look inside my mouth, it looks like my left tonsil is trying to invade my right tonsil. One side of my sinuses is completely obstructed, so breathing and talking at the same time happens to be my favorite past time. I have a necrotic mass of "yellow" goo in my left sinus. This is according to the head and neck doctor that did a flexible scope exam. He didn't want to touch it in case it was leukemic or what have you. I just suspect that I've been incubating that little pet for the last month. It hurts my stomach to drink water. It hurts to eat.

I have had scopes shoved into every available orifice and that is not an exaggeration. I don't remember the endoscopy or the flexible whatever you call it that went into my bum. God bless medication. The flexible scope of my sinuses and tonsils wasn't bad, but it was weird when the doctor started touching my tonsils with the scope while it was down my nose.

I'm losing muscle tone again. There is an IV in my arm. I get a new one every few days because they go bad and my arm starts to hurt.

Chris is trying to distract me with knitting paraphernalia. Poor guy has to go to a craft store and stand in no man's land trying to remember what I told him to bring back. I think I'll keep him around for a bit longer. :)

1 comment:

carilou said...

Well absoulutely none of that sounds pleasant or even bearable. Except for the wonderful husband part. I just don't know what to say; it just sounds crappy all around. I'm sorry you're going through this. It's just not fair.