Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I've developed a disturbing new habit. For the last few nights, I've "woken" up and started having random conversations with Chris. I know that I've done this before, but very infrequently. The night before last, Chris says I did it four times before finally settling down. Last night, I woke myself up having a conversation. Chris was sound asleep, and I was grateful not to have awakened him. I usually don't have any recollection of the act actually having happened.

Could it be happening because I'm repressing some form of anxiety? Maybe, but I don't think so. I'll admit that I'm not keen on being the first person to be transplanted a second time using this protocol. You generally want to be first at something else, preferably something competitive. We'll see if I continue to do it.

The first appointment of the day was for a bone marrow biopsy, but my leukemia doctor recommended against it yesterday. She said that my numbers were consistent with someone who's marrow would be empty and that I should be spared the procedure. I really do love her. We stopped by the stem cell clinic to see if my transplant doctor would mind rescheduling the procedure for the end of the week, to give my counts a chance to bounce back. Done and done. Did I mention that I love my team?

We saw Dr. Kebriaei and went over what was going to happen next week. It was fairly routine. Our only other appointment was something of a mystery. It was listed as "ITT consult, pre-procedure". It turned out to be a ten minute video on what would happen when I got my new CVC line placed. That's right, my picc line is coming out and a new line is being placed in my chest. Since I've done this once before, I asked for a little conscious sedation. I've had it both ways and believe me, when someone is threading a long wire into your chest, you want to be relaxed. There's also a bit of strange pressure in your chest when they thread the line over the wire. It's not a "scary" procedure, but having a scalpel applied to my chest makes me just a wee bit tense.

Tomorrow is a full day of appointments, so I'm going to do my best the sleep the night through.


pj said...

I don't think you're repressing anxiety; you just have a lot to say! I'm excited we'll be birthday buddies. Let's plan something wild for Sept. 2009!

Jennifer said...

I know exactly what you are talking about. Didn't wake up in conversation with Chris but with my Mom (who is deceased and any one of my three sisters) I blamed it on the meds but it could have been anxiety or maybe you just had something to say!

Counting down the days for you!

Mabyn Shingleton said...

Thinking about you. Wishing you on ly good dreams. :) mabyn