Wednesday, May 13, 2009


Chris and I had an interesting conversation last night concerning my upcoming doctor's visit and its overall timing. Those that have been following the blog know that the past two times we've tried to buy a house, something monumental has happened concerning my health. After we made an offer on the first house, I was diagnosed with PTLD and had to return to MDA for treatment immediately. Six months later, we tried again and the day we were scheduled to close on that house, I was sitting in a hospital room being told that the leukemia was back.

It's eight months later and Chris and I find ourselves back in the middle of a familiar process. The current house's seller has agreed to our repairs request and I've started securing home owner's insurance. A lot of the same people who have been involved with the last two sales are currently involved with this one. We're tentatively scheduled to close in sixteen days. I say tentatively because all parties have agreed to an earlier closing date if the financing can be secured sooner than scheduled.

This all leads me back to the doctor's appointment. I'm scheduled to see my local doctor the week of closing. Three days earlier, to be matter of fact. Chris and I both wondered if I should just move the appointment up a week to get it out of the way. It's just a routine visit to check my blood work and overall condition. Only, with my track record it could turn into something else. I know to think that is irrational, but after you touch a hot stove once, you tend to shy away from such things.

I feel well and haven't had any fevers. My appetite is good and I've even gained a pound this week. I haven't had any mysterious coughs or unexplained sore throats. The fact that I'm completely asymptomatic of anything still doesn't put my mind at ease. I keep waiting for the proverbial shoe to drop.

I've also been harboring a bit of anxiety the last few weeks over the relapses of two friends. Patricia and Michelle have both had transplants, just like me. Anyone who has ever danced with blood cancer, whether as a patient or loved one, knows the anxiety that the word "relapse" evokes. They both have their game faces on and are moving forward with treatments. I've been down that road and know that you can come out the other side smiling, but it's one hell of a trip.

All of these worries have been percolating and sloshing around for days and taking their toll. I'm not sure if I will move that doctor's appointment up or not. I do know that I can only control certain things in my life and as for the things I can't, I just need to accept it and let it go. Maybe all of the previous illnesses coinciding with our trying to buy a house have been coincidences. I don't know and now that I've purged my mind of it, I'm not going to let it worry me.


Anonymous said...

Don't allow the past to steal away the hope and joy for the here and now-the very present moment. God is the Great I AM of the present. The fact that you were able to purge it is a big victory.

Ronni Gordon said...

I know how you feel about all of these things. It's so hard. Some days are easier than others Here's to an increase in easy ones when you get more distance. Glad you felt better after writing.

PJ said...

I could invoke the "well, you could get hit by a bus metaphor," but that's stale.

I'd just go with a few spells and incantations to ward off bad luck/karma.