Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Disappointment

Day +62 (Day 200)

As Chris posted earlier, we're working on 2.5 hours of sleep. This isn't entirely true, I managed to get another hour while receiving treatment. I missed physical therapy, but I couldn't really see me getting into the groove while fantasizing about sleep.

I've been thinking a lot about cancer lately, and I know this might sound strange coming from me. I have cancer, of course it should be on my mind. That's not really how I operate, though. I haven't honestly considered myself as someone with cancer since I went into remission. I honestly know that might sound strange. When someone asked me what flavor my cancer was not too long ago, I had to think. My immediate thought was, I don't have cancer.

I like to think that I'm recovering from cancer.

Enough of that. Chris and I have been going to clinic for quite some time now, and we've made quite a few friends. It's a very small community and you tend to know what's going on with everyone else. This also means that they know what's going on with you. After my relapse scare, I've gotten quite a few visitors while in clinic. We all pull for one another and nothing is scarier than a relapse. There's always the worry that it could be you.

I've mentioned a couple from Slidell that we befriended not too long ago. They're a very sweet couple and we enjoy speaking to them immensely. Last week, his blood work also showed blasts, so we were in the same boat. We had the same kind of transplant, and naively, I thought that we'd coast through together. He had his bone marrow biopsy yesterday, so we were on tenterhooks waiting for the news. We checked in on them on our way out, and he's relapsed. I felt like someone had punched me in the chest. He's such a vibrant person that it's hard to look at him and think that he has to do this all over again. His transplant team is putting a plan together for him which includes his leukemia doctor. We're absolutely devastated about this. We're supposed to have dinner this weekend, and I really hope he feels up to it. Please say a prayer for our friends in hopes that he can be cured.

We're playing it low key tonight. No plans for the next two days, except for my in house infusions. I'm sure we'll turn in soon. Let's hope my newest sleeping habit won't keep Chris up, again. I'll let Chris blog about it tomorrow. I wouldn't have believed him when he told me, but he recorded it on his phone and showed me the day before yesterday. Very weird, but apparently, there is a clinical name for it. With that cliffhanger, I'll bid you all a good night.

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