Friday, December 7, 2007

Day +192

I don't know why I feel compelled to write today as nothing has really happened today. Chris spent the entire day working on a consulting job that he picked up while he still looks for a full-time job. I've asked him to teach me how to do what he's doing while we both still have free time. It finally feels like I can wrap my head around something without getting too distracted by the details. I keep toying with the thought of starting a correspondence course just to keep on track with my degree. I've been reluctant because of the ever present chemo brain and I'm not sure how I'd be able to take the tests. The one other time I took a correspondence class, I had to go to a place on campus to take a midterm and a final. Maybe I'm just being a giant chicken.

There are two less pills in my pill case these days. I stopped taking V-fend on Tuesday and haven't spontaneously started growing mushrooms. This is one step closer to being normal. Prograf is next.

I've been speculating on my future without pills. Essentially, this should mean that my immune system is mature enough to handle day to day living. 32 years passed without me having to think about whether my marrow could produce normal, functioning cells. I'm afraid that I'll spend the rest of my life worried that I might make a misfit. If I do, will I be able to "fix" it? This is something that faces everyone in my situation.

I'll just keep taking it one day at a time, I suppose.

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