Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The clarity of parity

This blog post has nothing to do with finance, physics, or birth.

It has been nearly three weeks since starting hormone replacement and I'm definitely seeing and feeling a difference. When I first wake in the morning, I'm better able to get going. That sluggish, mopey miasma that passed for thought first thing in the morning has given way to a definite awareness. I wake up with a clear direction in my mind as to the happenings for the rest of the day. It very nearly resembles a plan. As for execution, that bit is still sorely lacking.

It has dawned on me that the horrible, impenetrable fog surrounding my capability has slowly thinned out to become more of a haze obscuring certain functions. As my body has become acclimated to the reintroduction of higher estrogen levels, my cognitive ability has slowly expanded. Where I was only able to handle one simple task at a time, I am now almost able to handle two slightly more complicated exercises. For the last three years, the only time I was able to read and understand a passage occurred in near complete silence and in isolation. The slightest thing distracted me, leading to multiple readings and much frustration. It got to the point that I stopped reading complex matter. Gossip articles were about the most I could handle.

I've been working on my marketing class while Chris is at work and the house is quiet. Anything requiring a remote or that makes noise as a matter of course is off. This has been the only environment in which I could accomplish even substandard work. Now, I'm finding that I can read over course material while Chris watches television or works on his laptop next to me. I still get distracted and find that I need to go over things more than once, but it's becoming easier. I'm snapping less at interruptions and feeling less fractious. It still takes me about a week to complete one assignment, when you're supposed to be able to do three assignments a week. I'm coping.

My ability to stay on task is improving and the time it takes me to finish a regular chore, e.g. make dinner, is decreasing. Where it might have taken four hours to churn out three dishes, it now takes about two hours. I'm getting better with mise en place and ordering events to be more efficient.

The balance is shifting and beginning to equal. The moments of confusion and utter blankness are occurring with less frequency and giving way to clarity. I'm finally starting to feel capable.


lisa adams said...

I'm jealous. I wish I could take hormone replacement so badly... some days I think it would be worth the risk to have a better quality of life. Truly. I'm so glad that you are finding some help from it. I hope these improvements continue, Ann... xoxo

Susan C said...

I hope you continue to see cognitive improvement. It sounds like you're making great progress recently.

PJ said...

Well I woke up today and thought it was Thursday. I guess I should look at the calendar more. Here's to clarity!