Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Day 1

I am resetting the clock back from what ever it was post the last BMT, back to zero.

Here is what I know:
1)  The cancer in Ann's neck did not come from her tonsil.
2)  The cancer in Ann's neck blew holes in several of her lymph nodes.
3)  The cancer in Ann's neck had grown to a large matted clump that encased several of her nodes on the right side of her neck.
4)  The cancer in Ann's neck covered and area from the midline of her chin to behind her right ear.
5)  The surgery team nearly aborted the procedure when they were confronted with this.
6)  The cancer in Ann's neck did not show up on her PET scan.
7)  The cancer in Ann's neck is the same group of tumor cells that was cut off of her tongue over a year ago.
8)  The procedure was supposed to be 2.5 hours long, but the surgical team needed twice that long to debride the tumor.
9)  Ann lost some muscle in her neck and part of her jugular vein.
10)  ...
11)  This situation is a whole lot more serious and we ever imagined.

Prognosis is about 20% or less.  Treatment plan is radiation and chemo with scans very 2 months.


I promised I would never leave her and I won't. Not ever.  But I don't know what to do.


30 comments:

stacyreno said...

I've read this 3 times. My heart hurts for you both. So much love to both of you.

The Plush Gourmet said...

Oh. Oh Chris. I wouldn't know what to do either so I have no advice. You are her best medicine. Love her, hold her for all of us, please. I'm shaken to the very bottom & will write to her later. OMG. So sorry my dears. We will hold you in our thoughts and hearts and hope for the very best outcome, as always.

Claudine M. Jalajas said...

Thinking of you both. No other words seem appropriate.

Secondtimeround said...

I'm so very sorry you received such devastating news. You and Ann have dealt with impossible news and odds so many times. Please know that many people will be thinking of you both as you move forward from today.

A-Rob said...

Love her - all of her. I don't know what to say. Cancer is devastating. It brings everyone to their knees. Know you have a community of people touched by the disease wishing you and her the very best during all of these moments.

Caroline said...

Thinking of you both. Sending a thousand hugs.

Marsha Welborn said...

Continued prayers.
(Ann's third grade teacher)

Jonathan Dale said...

I am so sorry. I can't begin to imagine how much pain, both emotional and physical, that you both are going through. I am keeping both of you in my thoughts and sending as much positive energy your direction as I can.

The only advice I can give is to stay strong for her. Stay by her side and help her fight. She will likely need a lot of emotional support at this time. Do what you can and, if possible and if she's up to, have friends and family visit.

If you ever need to talk or a shoulder to cry on, I'm here as are many others. Stay strong and fight on.

Anonymous said...

oh my gosh, Chris. Sending all the love and prayers possible.
- Heather

sue said...

I don't know y'all; I don't even remember how I heard about Ann. I've been following the journey for a while now. My heart hurts for you and Ann. Praying for y'all.

Melissa Red said...

How could you begin to know? My heart is aching. The love you share with Ann is beautiful. And is the gift I must believe. I wish it could make all of this right. I hope for you to be receiving the same measure of love and support that you're so beautifully offering Ann. My prayers are raining down on you both.

Anonymous said...

Following your journey for quite a while, never posted. I'm thinking of both of you and sending best wishes! This is beyond horrible...
Love, Sophia

Nancy said...

Dear Ann & Chris, I was with you every step of the way today. There are no words... but I will try. I've gone through and am still going all of the array of emotions. I can only imagine what you're going through. Feels like we all need to wake up out of this horrendous nightmare.

Chris, be there for your darling Ann. Try and be strong for her but make sure to take care of yourself, as well. She needs you to be strong and healthy every single day. Eat a healthy meal, even if you aren't hungry. You'll need the strength. The doctors will do what they can do. It may be hard to see right now, but God is good. I'm praying for Ann's health and your strength and support. I love you both. Say the word, and I'll hop on a plane. Sending love and prayers your way.

Anonymous said...

Dear Chris, I don't know either of you but came across your blog (I volunteer at a cancer support centre). I think it is natural and normal to feel utterly shocked and numb in this situation, and not to know what to do. Just do your best, whatever that may be - that's all any of us can ever do. Look after yourself so you can look after Ann, accept whatever help you can, and above all love Ann: you seem to me well equipped to do all these things to a very high standard. Thinking of you both, and sending love to you both. Sarah

Laura Albritton said...

My prayers are with you both wish there were words to say. Please know that we will be here for both of you. Ann has become such a special part of our life here at work. She is one of a kind, so loving and special. just keep fighting and doing what ever is needed.

Anonymous said...

Chris,

I've been following your and Ann's situation for years though seldom leave messages. Your devastatingly raw posts during that hurricane, when you had to leave her at the hospital, will stay with me as long as I have memory.

My heart aches for you both.

No one knows what to do. Comfort her with the fulfillment of your promise to never leave her. She needs that more than anything.

Carrietaker from LLS

LacubriousOne said...

Been following your journey since the beginning...shocked at this turn of events...thinking of you and Ann and praying for you both to have strength to endure this new battle.

Jennifer King said...

I am so sorry you're having to go through this again.

Chris, I'm right down the street and I hope that while you both are here that you'll allow me to help you. If you need an errand or just need me to hang out with Ann while you go take a nap, I'm available every single day.

So much love for you both.

Thandi said...

:-( What can one say when hit with such news? Are there any perfect words that can convey our utter helplessness and sense of dread and shock? Can we begin to imagine the pain you yourself are feeling? The shock and fear and dismay Ann is going through? We can't. All we can do is support and love...

Anonymous said...

No words. Just prayers. Praying for you and Ann so that you can have the courage to fight with her. And I hope you find the courage through all these words of love written by all these dear folks. We can never know your pain but we can wrap our words in love to help you through the pain. Every breath is grace and everyday a gift. Your love always inspires always endures and it's so much bigger than cancer.

Aimee P.- A cajun girl in Toronto, CA

Anonymous said...

I've been following Ann's blog for a while but not leaving messages. Please know that there people who are praying for both of you. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Clarita

Anonymous said...

Chris John and I have been following the two of you since we met on LLS years ago.You would know me as Julindy. I am sending hope and prayers that you will both come through this and that Ann wont have. too much pain while recovering.What you can do Chris. is exactly what you are doing. Love her as you always do and take care of yourself as well.as Ann
Keep coming here not just to inform us but also to get strength for yourself.

Anonymous said...

I have been following Ann's journery through this blog for the past few years but never left a comment. I am shocked by this turn in your life. I am praying for Ann and may God give both of you strength to fight and come out of this hard time. Chris take care of yourself so that you continue to be the pillar of strength for Ann as you always have been and may God bless Ann with healing and recovery. Please know that there are many people praying for both of you. You are a wonderful couple.

Anonymous said...

Anne is so blessed to have you in her life...to be with her and be of comfort during the trials she is enduring...true love is all that counts for anything in this life and you both have experienced it. I can only hope for the best for both of you and know that many souls unknown to you are sharing both your pain and your love and sending the very deepest wishes for help, comfort and healing to you also.

Anonymous said...

This is awful news. You have so many people thinking of both of you, and collectively trying to hold you up.

Anonymous said...

Chris, I am so very upset to hear this. I have rooted for Ann since the LLS days. But 20% is more than enough reason to keep fighting, and Ann is a fighter. We are all holding you both in the Light. Take care of yourself as well.

Love,

Melinda

Unknown said...

I don't know you guys; found Ann through Lisa Bonchek Adams. Words fail to describe though how heartbroken I am over this latest news. Ann seems like a great spirit and a fighter; I wish you both the courage and strength to carry on in the face of true adversity. Sending love and light.

Anonymous said...

Chris - I'm so sorry to hear this news. You & Ann have always held a special place in my heart and I'm so sorry y'all are having to go through this again. Ann is so amazingly strong and such a true fighter, I have no doubt that together with your love, support & strength, she will overcome this beast once again. Take care of yourself Chris so you can continue to be her ever-loving pillar of strength in the days ahead.

Dean & I are here at MDA right now also while he's hospitalized, so if there is anything I can do to help, please let me know. Sending lots of love prayers & hugs your way....Betsy

Unknown said...

I am so sorry. I don't think she would be here if not for you Chris. Your love is so beautiful. Keep loving her. You have both influenced more people than you know. I send you my best wishes. Lisa in Stamford, CT

LPC said...

Oh I am so so sorry. Every minute she's been here has been a gift to those of us far away. Just the photo of her smile. May some kind of healing happen, maybe all kinds, may you find happiness and peace.