Tuesday, June 16, 2009


It's been a month since my last local check-up and I must admit that throughout the house trial and personal drama, I've been waiting to hear that I've relapsed. It's a different kind of sickness that occasionally plagues transplant survivors. Life starts to move forward and you begin to feel secure about your future, then the floor falls out from under you. It's already happened to me once.

This intermittent feeling has been plaguing me for the last six weeks and if I'm truly honest, I didn't think we'd close on the house due to some health catastrophe. The closing happened and our things came out of storage. There are only a handful of boxes left to unpack.

You'd think I'd be able to relax with that behind me, but I couldn't. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I thought that maybe fate was holding a trump card to be played at the very moment I relaxed. Sick, I know.

My hematologist told me I looked amazing and my numbers were nearly identical to last month. If not for the fact that I have a spine, I think I could have oozed off the edge of my chair. After checking my lymphnodes and palpating my abdomen he made the pronouncement that everything was perfect.

I've pushed the boogie man back into the broom closet and placed a chair under the doorknob. I plan on forging ahead and working on building my endurance up so I can really participate in this wonderful thing that is my life.


Anonymous said...

Congratulations! Continue to stay positive!

Susan C said...

"this wonderful thing that is my life"

Ahh - that made me tear up. You and Chris so deserve a wonderful life.

Nancy said...

Whew!!! Congratulations. I always hold my breath when I know you are blogging about your health. Thank God!!!

Stay well and enjoy life!

PJ said...

I won't scold you for those negative feelings. It's impossible not to have them from time to time.

Time to live, girl.

Mara said...

Sweetie, you're been through more trauma at 30 than some people go through their entire lives. You cannot fault yourself for being scared of what's lurking around the corner. Who wouldn't be? It takes amazing spirit and perserverance to keep moving forward like you and Chris have been doing. Don't beat yourself up for gettung scared soimetimes, it's natural. The important thing is you're out of the hospital and yall got a house!!!!! Let us know when we should mail you a houseplant and a casserole dish.

Sara Williams said...

Its normal to be negative when you are fighting cancer. You are a beautiful lady, hold onto that x

ginger11 said...

I am so happy for the both of you. Your check up is great news! Just keep thinking positive! Don't over due it, if you need any help just ask.

Ronni Gordon said...

I sure can relate to that anxious feeling. I guess it's totally natural, so, as everyone says, don't beat yourself up when it happens. And then the relief...so great! Congratulations on a good report.

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written and perfectly described, Ann. Ü

Love, Wendy