Busywork

Physically going back to school has been an adjustment. No surprise there, but it's been challenging in a few ways that I hadn't fully considered when I made the decision to try my luck. I expected to be tired from the physical act of walking on campus with an over-sized bag strapped to my back. I suspected my skin would take a beating from the increased sun exposure.

The thing I didn't count on was allergies. The bulk of my classes take place in a building that was formerly dominated by the business school, but is now being transitioned over to the school of engineering. The business school is getting a brand new building next door in what was formerly a commuter parking lot. Anybody making the connection, yet?

There's major construction a few feet from where I walk five days a week. This means a constant parade of heavy equipment stirring up dust and shaking the many oak trees that line the sidewalk. ALLERGIES!

Chris tells me that I've been coughing in my sleep. I'm not surprised with all of the environmental particles I've been inhaling during the day. Let's not forget all of the chalk dust in the classrooms and whatever else lurks in the seat cushions of the stadium seats. I'm hopeful that my system will adjust and not be overwhelmed. The last thing I want is to end up in the hospital with a respiratory infection.

Classes have been going well. For those that are interested, I'm taking: management, highway construction, structures and mechanics (engineering/physics), construction business administration, engineering economy (finance). Yes, I have lost my mind. I had to take most of the technical classes this semester since they're on the critical path of major classes and segue into the next batch of critical classes. If I'd split them between this semester and the next, I would have added an extra year to school.

I have an appointment in Houston for my 2 year check-up in a few weeks. I'll have a bone marrow biopsy/aspiration and see my transplant doctor. Coincidentally, I have a management exam and an ethics paper due on the same day. The first part of a structures exam is also scheduled for the next day. As an aside, if an exam has to be scheduled to take place during two consecutive class periods, shouldn't that be an indication to the professor that there's too much material on the test? Can't forget to mention the first half of a business plan due the same week.

Chris suggested I reschedule the appointment in Houston. I should have from a logistics stand-point, but emotionally, I couldn't do it. I'd rather take a slew of make-up exams and turn the paper in early. I need to follow through with the MDA appointment for my peace of mind. The test to determine minimal residual disease takes weeks to return a result and I'd rather have the results sooner rather than later.

I'll pop in next week to let you all know I'm still lurking.

Transplant birthdays

Monday, September 6, marks two years since I received transplant number two. I can't remember number two with the same clarity as number one. Perhaps that's due to some bizarre been-there-done-that ennui that comes with prolonged treatments. Up until that point, I'd had so many chemotherapy sessions through my CVC and injected intrathecally into my spine. There was a bout with PTLD which brought more chemo and more scans and more treatment. I've lost count of the number of times I had to go to the ER in the middle of the night because of fevers or bone pain. I couldn't tell you the number of bone marrow aspirations and biopsies I've had. Lumbar punctures? I've had more than a few.

There are scars: one on each side of my chest to commemorate the multiple CVCs, one on each bicep to mark the existence of multiple PICC lines, track marks on my arms from the myriad blood draws, a cluster of divots low on my spine from so many lumbar punctures. The backs of my hips hurt when pressed thanks to all of the bone marrow samples and bone fragments I've had removed to be tested for minimal residual disease.

I'm not alone in all of this. I've got friends who are also doing this for a second time or have done it multiple times. We have all heard some permutation of the phrase, "I'm sorry, the leukemia is back." We have all choked back some horrible miasma of grief/anger/rage/disbelief. We have all fought and continue to fight.

My life has been touched by the resilience we all share. Each of us struggles in our own way and yet every day, we resolve to put on our game faces and forge ahead for ourselves or our loved ones or just to spite the son of a bitch that is cancer.

On Monday, I will be two. I will get to do all of the things that I'd thought lost to me that horrible day in July when I was re-admitted to MDA. I will be grateful for the dust bunnies under the couch and the crazy sago palm in the front yard. I will relish the obscene amount of reading that must be done for class. I will tell Chris that I love him. I will be thankful for Dana.

So many people worked so hard to save my life, twice. Dana sacrificed to give me this second chance at life and I will be forever grateful. Chris put his life on hold to nurse me through this. So many people helped us in a plethora of ways and without all of you, we wouldn't have been able to do it.

On Monday, I plan on being as mundane as possible. I will do homework and eat leftovers. I will ignore the army of dust bunnies mounting an attack on all horizontal surfaces. I will allow the cats to bully me into giving them extra treats and I will hold my husband's hand. I will smile and be grateful for the many friends I have made, but not met because of this adventure. I will be thankful for those who are selfless enough to become members of the bone marrow registry. I will be grateful for all of you who continue to read the blog.

Because I want to.

Because I can.

Week 1

The first week of classes is behind me and I am exhausted. I know I throw that word around a lot, but once you've gone through any type of major illness, exhausted becomes a regular part of your vocabulary. Leading up to the first day of class, I was much more active than I have been in the nearly four years since this all began.

This week has challenged me on a new level. I'm now attempting a level of activity that's outside of my comfort zone. I'm attempting to play normal with the other kids.

The LSU campus is enormous and open and peppered with a confusing assortment of old buildings. As a student, you will do a lot of walking. I've been fortunate this semester. Most of my classes are confined to the engineering building. Unfortunately, I still get more direct sun than I'd like.

I was able to get a parking permit that would allow me to park closer to my classes, thanks to my very understanding BR oncologist. He's an alum and remembered what a nightmare commuter parking at LSU can be. He was worried about the sun exposure setting off my GvHD.

I've been religious about wearing three different sunblocks, but I'm still having GvHD issues. My cheeks and nose are covered in rashes and scabs on a daily basis. It itches. There's a spreading rash on my left forearm that looks a bit like a sunburn. It's sensitive to the touch and feels very much like a sunburn. My feet, hands, and calves have been cramping off and on throughout each day. It makes concentrating in class something of a game. At home, I can get up and walk around to stretch the muscles. I can't do the same during a lecture.

As far as I'm concerned, these are all very minor nuisances in the big scheme of things. If a little discomfort is the price I have to pay for normalcy, then bring it on. I'm happy to be able to do it.

I've already got several assignments due next week, so blogging is going to be tough. I'm going to do my best to stick to my once-a-week promise. If I get a little behind, don't worry. Sometimes, no news really is good news.

YIPPPEEEE!

The grade for my marketing class just posted: A

Thank you, Dr. Karam!!!

I just had to post since I'm sure Chris is getting sick of me running around the house with my arms in the air, yelling, "YAY!"

For the record: He's proud of me and wouldn't mind if I jogged down the street doing the same thing. :)

Another first

I have survived my first day of classes and am stealing a few moments to update the blog. It's just as I remembered it, except the familiar faces from what would have been my graduating class have been replaced with a whole new cast of characters. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had two classes with two professors from my last semester at LSU. One of them greeted me by name as he handed me a syllabus. It was a lovely, normal moment.

I have two classes tomorrow and if they're at all like the three that I had today, I know that I will have a tremendous amount of reading ahead of me. I've already had to speak to two of my instructors regarding schedule conflicts. It seems that my two year MDA check-up coincides with an exam and an ethics paper. It will all work out, so I'm not going to waste time worrying about it.

Now, if you all will excuse me, I have a few books to crack.

Where do I begin?

I have taken the final exam of my marketing class and am happy to be done. In January, when I first decided to attempt this undertaking, I had legitimate concerns regarding my ability. I'd had Hyper C-Vad, modified Hyper C-Vad with L-Asperiganase, Rituxan, intrathecal chemotherapy, and two courses of consolidation chemotherapy. I have had my immune system burned out of my marrow twice. I have had so many drugs and combinations of toxins that I marvel at my ability to function some days.

My doctors warned me that I would have cognitive issues. I would need to learn how to process information differently. I was warned that I would have issues handling stress.

All true.

I've discovered that my academic effort must be tripled in order for me to do an acceptable level of work. By acceptable, I mean "passing". I used to be the kid that could breeze through school with a minimum of effort. Not so much anymore.

I've learned that I need to rely on flashcards and repetitive drills. Chris plays an integral role in all of this. He holds my hand and encourages me to approach problems from multiple angles. It's been largely due to his encouragement that I managed to get through this.

I will begin physically attending classes at LSU on Monday. I'm taking five classes. The very thought of it makes my heart race. The anxiety is building.

Checking in

No changes here, which is a good thing. I couldn't let the blog slide until 8/20. It didn't feel right. I've handed in the final assignment for my marketing class and am currently reviewing for the last exam. I start physically attending classes two weeks from Monday, and the butterflies are fluttering. I'll check in once I've taken the last marketing test.