Saturday, July 24, 2010

Thoughts on steps without me

I admit my blogging has been exiguous. Mostly, this is because I've been working quite hard at my job now that I've been transferred to the corporate office, but also because there is less of the sort of thing going on that lead to the creation of this blog. That's a good thing, and it has led to things like Ann's solo trip to Houston.

Ann's trip to MDA without me has caused a breakthrough in my thinking. Each journey there is like a big-event and is proceeded by (for me at least) a week's worth of humorless worry and crushing anxiety. So much depends on those trips that I have long given up on the idea of routine exams and I made sure that I was there each time so I could hold her hand.

Ann and I spent every day on the 8th floor of the Clark Clinic at MDA for what seemed like years. Without too much difficulty I can remember with a voluminous mix of despair and dread everything we fought so hard to overcome while there: induction, blindness, wheelchairs, having no home, desperate donor searches, insurance denials, transplant, relapse and transplant again.

I could have taken vacation or sick time to go with her, but I didn't. I could have begged off of my reports and deadlines until the end of the week, but I didn't. I don't think I would have lost my job. So why did I let her go alone this time? Why did I allow her to go and face the beast without even moral support?

My sneaking suspicion is because I needed to, and she needed me to let go just as badly. Which is not to say that I don't feel one iota less guilty about not being there.

Life pushes toward its normal equilibrium in the absence of a crisis. Feeling scared, anxious, or guilty are just bi-products of that process and we can't control it. Ann needed to be able to do something big without support. I needed to focus on work and put my anxiety away. And she needed me to do this as well.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Driving solo

I had a GvHD check-up in Houston yesterday, and I think my transplant doc's exclamation, "Has it already been a month?" pretty much sums it all up. I have been in a doctor's office every two weeks like clockwork. It's either been for GvHD or some pedestrian crud.

Taking 0.5mg of tacrolimus twice a day seems to have done the trick. My GvHD is back in line with where it was before the flare-up: just enough to be very mildly irritating, but not life-threatening. I still need to use the steroid mouth-rinse, because the tissue is still sensitive. I get a blister on the left side off and on.

Chris was swamped at work and so I made the trek alone. The drive was pleasant mostly thanks to my sweet hubbie's thoughtfulness. He assembled a music play list containing my favorite band and gassed up the car the night before.

Five hours of driving, four hours of MDA, and then a little over five hours of driving home. Exhausting.

Here are the numbers for those that are interested:

WBC: 7.9 K/UL

RBC: 4.07 M/UL (WOO-HOO!)

HGB: 12.8 G/DL

PLT: 362 K/UL

ANC: 5.34 K/UL

ALC: 1.28 K/UL

AMC: 0.92 K/UL

AEC: 0.29 K/UL

My tacro level is less than the measurable amount, which is fine, because it's keeping things in line. Dr. K. ordered an immunity panel which returned in the low end of normal, even on tacrolimus. This is a good thing and shows that the killer T-cells are theoretically capable of doing the job, so to speak.

As for me, I had a few curve-balls to throw at Dr. K. The first on being the laundry list of vaccinations LSU wants me to have before they'll allow me to attend classes. Dr. K. had a letter drafted explaining why I can't have them and explained that due to my compromised immunity, there is a very large chance that getting these vaccines would end in a reactivation of these viruses which would lead to some seriously bad stuff. The second requirement LSU has for me is a PPD test to show whether I've ever come into contact with TB. They want this because: A) I was born in Asia, B) I have had leukemia, and C) I take immunosuppressants. MDA doesn't normally do this test in-house. It's a skin test that must be read 48 hours after giving it.

Since it wasn't a practical proposition to have it done in Houston, I'm going to see if my local oncologist can do it. If he can't, I'll find someone. I also need to see about getting a temporary parking pass that allows me to park closer to classes. I spent 15 minutes in the sun walking from my car to a test on campus and came away with my forehead, nose, and cheeks covered in small blisters, scabs, and pustules. It itches and is uncomfortable. I was wearing a dedicated sunblock and two other products containing sunscreen. I don't know what doing that everyday would do to me.

My final curve-ball for Dr. K. came in the form of a question: Have you ever had or heard of a female patient post transplant being able to carry a pregnancy to term? Due to the excessive chemo through two transplants, I am sterile. I've been seeing a lot of sensational new articles or documentaries about women in their sixties and seventies being able to conceive and give birth thanks to donor eggs and in-vitro fertilization. If they can do it, why can't I?

Dr. K. explained that she's never had a patient post-transplant do it, but that there is plenty of data that shows that it's possible and does happen. She also explained that she can't see any reason why I couldn't do the same with a donor egg. She cautioned me to wait until I was cancer free for five years. The magical five year mark is when the chance of relapse plateaus. I understand her caution and I also understand that I'll have to see a fertility doctor in order to determine whether this little scheme is even feasible. I'll put it on the back burner while I concentrate on finishing school.

As for that, I have three more lessons to finish and one more test to take in order to be done with my marketing class. I'm up against a hard deadline, so things will be quiet here until the last week of August. If something is wrong, I will post. If something deserves celebration, I will post. If you don't hear from me until 8/21, then know everything is status quo.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Home

Chris and I have been home for the last week, and it feels like we've been running nonstop since stepping off of the last plane. I won't bore you with the minutiae of our travels. We were able to see most of my family during the short four days we were in California and it was a very special time that we'll cherish.

My grandmother had a kidney infection, kidney stones, and blood clots. Due to her age, the doctors were hesitant to operate on her. Nonetheless, they did, and I am grateful. She'd been home for less than two weeks when we arrived. It's been six years since I saw her last and we've all been through so much. She's not as mobile as she used to be because of arthritis and has to use a wheel-chair to get around. It hasn't seemed to slow her down.

This trip has given me so much to write about, and yet I'm finding it to be next to impossible to put anything down. Maybe later, when I've had more time to sort through things. Until then, I'll leave you with some pictures.

My Grandmother:



Aunt Kim and my brother, John

John and his wife, Mandie

Aunt Lang, Mandie, John, Aunt Kim, and me

My Aunt Lang hosted two barbecues while we were in California.

My Uncle Toi, Lang's husband, on the far left, and my mother on the far right.


My fabulous grandmother holding court.

Mandie and John

Toi, my cousin Kiet, and his mother, my Aunt: Ma Hai

From the left: My Uncle Tony(Kim's husband), Kim, Lang, and Toi

My cousin Richie, Kim's youngest son

My cousin Brian, his dad and my Uncle Loi, Loi's wife Bonnie

Quite a family resemblance


These last two pictures were taken yesterday in Baton Rouge. Chris and I attended a birthday party for our friend Van's daughter, Rosalyn Grace. I've known Van for years and was able to attend his wedding in 2008, two months before I relapsed. Yesterday, I met Rosalyn Grace for the first time. It was yet another first that I wondered if I'd ever get the chance to experience.
Van
Rosalyn Grace. She's a thousand times cuter in person and has the most soulful brown eyes. It's hard not to fall in love with her.



























Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Long weekend

My 91 year old grandmother had a medical scare a few weeks ago and ended up in the hospital for a few days. I haven't seen her since having been diagnosed with leukemia close to four years ago. She speaks very limited English and the few Vietnamese words I know either involve eating or cursing, but we muddle along.

I got clearance from my doctor to fly out for a visit. We'll only be there for the weekend since Chris needs to get back to work.

Family is a part of my life that is complex and convoluted. Sure, you say, you and everyone else. I know that I'm not alone in this. I only mention it because even now I'm having difficulty writing about the trip. I'll post pictures when we get back, but as for a recap of the visit, I can't make any promises.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

MDA follow-up

Yesterday was yet another day in Houston, but this time it was expected and has been on the books for three months. It was supposed to be my 21 month check-up. Thanks to the GvHD flare-up two weeks ago, it was a follow-up to see how the medrol and prograf had affected the situation.

The itching that had propelled me into MDA two weeks ago has become very tolerable. I still have moments of insane scratching, but the episodes are happening with much less frequency. I thought the GvHD in my mouth was getting worse, but now I suspect I forgot to use the steroid mouthwash one day. My gums and the lining of my mouth were swollen and sore and I didn't get much of anything accomplished that day due to the distracting nature of constantly feeling like gremlins were rubbing the tender tissues with sandpaper. I will try to never forget the dexamethasone rinse again.

Spicy food consumption is way down in the Gregory household. Vanilla ice-cream intake is up. The ice-cream is nice and bland and the temperature soothes the inflamed tissues. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Dr. K. was non-plussed by this past weekend's mystery illness. She said the fact that some of my blood counts were elevated accounted for it. She also authorized the next round of vaccinations. Five shots. Two arms. I'm still sore.

As Dr. K. sorted through the mystery that is my GvHD, she speculated that I'm gearing up for a big flare-up. No one wants that, especially me. It means discomfort and months of steroids. No thanks. She's increasing the Prograf to 1mg per day. I'll stay on it for three to six months, then we'll see about tapering off. I won't have to start taking antivirals or antibiotics since the drug will only be maintained at homeopathic levels in my system. I will be more susceptible to illness, so I'll take precautions.

I also saw the dermatologist who specializes in skin GvHD. She took one look at me and said, "We don't need to do any biopsies, I can see the remnants of the rashes." Hooray for that. She wants me to use steroid cream in place of the tacrolimus ointment, but I do have the option to use the one that I find works best. Dr. H. also took a look at a mole that appeared on the top of my right foot after the first transplant. Apparently, it happens. She wasn't worried about it three years ago. It's a little bigger these days and since my dad struggled with skin cancer, I wanted to be safe. She still thinks it's benign, but she had pictures taken for my file.

As for the numbers, here you go:

WBC: 7.8 K/UL (4.0-11.0 K/UL)

RBC: 3.99 M/UL (4.00-5.50 M/UL)

HGB: 12.5 G/DL (12.0-16.0 G/DL)

PLT: 282 K/UL (140-440 K/UL)

ANC: 5.28 K/UL (1.70-7.30 K/UL)

ALC: 1.11 K/UL (1.00-4.80 K/UL)

AMC: 1.22 K/UL (0.08-0.70 K/UL) This reading accounts for the fever over the weekend.

LDH: 612 IU/L (313-618 IU/L)

Alkaline Phosphatase: 183 IU/L (38-126 IU/L)

Alanine Aminotransferase: 153 IU/L (7-56 IU/L)

As you can see, my liver is still not behaving. It is what it is and we'll deal with one thing at a time. My thyroid levels are now normal thanks to the Synthroid prescription. I can feel a difference and I'm all the happier for it.

I need to see my local doctor in two weeks to have my Prograf levels tested. July means another trip to MDA to check my progress with graft versus host disease. Until then, it's business as usual around here.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Ill equals normal

GvHD manifests in many ways, and for me it's the skin, eyes, mouth, and occasionally the muscles and joints. It can hit you in a myriad of combinations and no portion of your body is safe. Thursday night, my feet started cramping and the toes kept locking in unnatural positions. When it's at its worst, my toes spread very widely and curl upward. This is what kept happening first to the left, then the right foot.

When this happens, I find it helps to massage my foot. If that doesn't work, I have to walk in order to stretch the muscles. I had a really hard time finding relief and as soon as one set of muscles would relax, the other foot would kick off. I took an ativan in the hope that it might help relax the muscles a little.

The ativan didn't help with the GvHD, but it did put me to sleep, which is all I was trying to do in the first place. Chris woke me an hour or two later because he said I felt really hot and needed to take my temperature. I can be an extraordinarily graceless person when my sleep is disturbed, so I know Chris must have been worried when he did so. 100.8 degrees fahrenheit.

Post-transplant, a fever of 101 degrees fahrenheit is a mandatory trip to the ER. Fever usually means an infection and transplant patients aren't so good at fighting them off without a lot of help. For me, it usually means three or four days in the hospital getting a cocktail of IV antibiotics. Dare I mention the poop swabs?

I did not go to the ER. Chris wanted to take me, but I argued that I'm nearly two years post-transplant and that the fever was probably the result of the excessive GvHD that I'd been suffering with that day. I now believe it was the other way around.

I think the GvHD flares were a result of my immune system reacting to an infection, but not quite understanding how to deploy an effective defense. Instead of sending in a small team of special forces, my immune system went nuclear and started attacking everything, hence the excessive itching and horrible cramping.

When Friday morning found me still feverish, I put a call in to my local oncologist. A nurse returned my call a few hours later. After getting details, she promised to confer with Dr. B. The result was an appointment with his APN, G., for the same day.

Dr. B. ordered so many blood cultures, the phlebotomist had to use both arms to draw blood. When I asked what the cultures were for, she blithely replied, "Everything."

By this time, I was feverish, my head hurt, I was nauseated, I had a sore throat, and all I wanted to do was sleep. G. checked me out and relayed the information to Dr. B. He popped in between patients and looked me over. Because the symptoms of leukemia can be similar to the symptoms of an extreme case of the flu, he decided to check a blood smear. He didn't think that I was in the throes of a relapse, but considering how it all manifested the last time, he wanted to be cautious.

A prescription for Biaxin was called in and he promised to call if he saw anything strange in my slides. I went home and slept for the rest of the day. There was no call, so I feel pretty confident that I'm suffering from some pedestrian illness.

I've been fever free for almost twenty-four hours. I get nauseated if I'm in a moving car, and I'm still not one-hundred percent. I'm pretty certain that the antibiotic is doing its job and helping fight off the infection because the skin GvHD has come roaring back. Although I itch as a result, I'm happy for it. I'd rather have this manageable complaint than the alternative.

Since I'm housebound, I've managed to think up a new knitting project using some yarn that's been languishing in my motley collection, so the down-time isn't totally a waste. I'll resume coursework tomorrow. The deadline is quickly approaching and I have six more lessons to turn in, as well as two tests left. This means I won't be answering calls or be present on the digital front for a bit.

I'll pop in once a week to keep everyone updated.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Thursday, already?

I received an email from MDA reminding me that I have an appointment next Thursday, which reminded me that it's been a week since I last updated.

The steroid pack is empty and I enjoyed a compressed experience. My last experience with steroids lasted several months, giving me time to fully appreciate the manic bursts of energy and middle of the night hunger. There were a few days of excessive energy and two nights where I popped fully awake after only three hours of sleep. I didn't notice an increase in my appetite, which I am thankful for. I'm now mired in the sluggish throes of my adrenal gland's artificial increase in production having been cast off. Poor little gland is having to make adrenaline without the aid of methylpredinisone and it's making me a little cranky.

I noticed a small reduction in itching while taking the steroids. I still itch and there is still a danger of me tearing my skin open thanks to excessive scratching. It's all much more manageable now, though. On a scale of 1 to 10, the worst the itching has been is an 8 this week. There were days where I was constantly stuck at 10 before seeing my transplant doctor.

Chris observed that my complexion is a bit rosier as of late. I don't know which drug to attribute this to. I don't believe I've been taking the thyroid medicine long enough to have made a significant difference. I know I haven't been taking the Prograf long enough to have built up a homeopathic level in my system. Perhaps it has something to do with the obscene amounts of water I've been drinking. Who knows?

Dr. K. has ordered a complete pulmonary function test for next Thursday. She wants to be sure that my lungs aren't developing GvHD. That's a nasty condition, to be sure. I haven't noticed any diminished capacity, but I'd rather play things on the safe side. I'll also see Dr. H., the dermatologist who specializes in skin GvHD. I'm hopeful that she won't want a biopsy. I have numerous punch scars on my back and I don't care to add to them.

Next Thursday will be a very long day and I promise to post a recap on that day's madcap adventures the day after.

I'm still working on cranking out the marketing course work. It's happening much more slowly than I would like. I have seven more assignments to turn in and two tests left to take before the semester begins in August.

Thanks for keeping up with me as I muddle through all of this.